Trireme: Self-Assessment Questionnaire

(originally appeared in the '92 Trials year book)

A lot of people may have felt that they were rowing in the wrong place in the trireme. This is a self-assessment questionnaire to decide which position you are most naturally suited to.

Your height is....
- (a) 5 feet, 11 & 3/4 inches (no, really, you just look taller, that's all)
- (b) As tall as it takes so as not to have to row down there
- (c) OK, just show me how to tie one of these bowline knots
The role of the Thranite is to....
- (a) Prevent the Zygian from interfering with the Thalamian's blade
- (b) Prevent the Thalamian from interfering with the Zygian's blade
- (c) Figure out how to get a suntan on their other side
The role of the Zygian is to....
- (a) Set the rhythm of the whole boat
- (b) Keep the Thalamian quiet
- (c) Wear clean socks
The role of the Thalamian is to....
- (a) Set the rhythm of the whole boat
- (b) Look after the water bottles
- (c) Thalamian? What's a Thalamian?
The Thalamian behind you catches a crab. You think....
- (a) I hope their restraining rope is doing its job
- (b) Serve them right for getting in my way!
- (c) Crab? What's a crab?
How many Thalamians does it take to change a light bulb?
- (a) None: they'd get a Thranite to do it
- (b) Three: one to change the bulb and two to sit around and complain about the conditions they have to work in
- (c) A Thalamian wouldn't bother, they're used to the dark
You have just been told that you achieved a maximum speed of 9.7 knots. You think....
- (a) Dammit, we'd have made 10 knots if everyone had pulled as hard as I did
- (b) Wow, If I'd known we were that close to 10 knots I'd have pulled harder
- (c) Close enough, can we go home now?
Returning from a 4 hour morning outing, do you....
- (a) Head for the nearest beach
- (b) Head for the nearest bed
- (c) Head for the nearest bar
The most memorable part of rowing a trireme was....
- (a) Sharing the experience
- (b) Sharing the cameraderie
- (c) Sharing the bodily fluids
Boris and Ford are....
- (a) The life and soul of the Trireme
- (b) These funny voices in your head which kept telling you to do crazy things
- (c) Aaaaaaaaaaargh! Nurse! Nurse! Those nightmares - they've come back!

Scoring:
(1) a=2, b=1, c=0.
(2) a=0, b=1, c=2.
(3) a=1, b=2, c=0.
(4) a=0, b=1, c=2.
(5) a=0, b=1, c=2.
(6) a=2, b=1, c=0.
(7) a=2, b=1, c=0.
(8) a=2, b=0, c=1.
(9) a=2, b=1, c=0.
(10)a=1, b=2, c=0.

If you were a Thalamian and scored...: 0-4: You probably complained a lot, but you secretly enjoyed it and wouldn't have been happy rowing anywhere else; 5-9: You hated every minute of it, and aspire to Zygianity.; 10-20: I think your head must have hit one cross-beam too many.
If you were a Zygian and scored...: 0-4: You are an unusually sensitive and caring person; 5-9: Born and bred a Zygian, always were, always will be. Sorry.; 10-20: You're probably wondering why your Thalamian never talks to you any more
If you were a Thranite and scored...: 0-10 : You probably didn't mix much with other Thranites. Tiresome, aren't they?; 11-15: Nice to think you talked to your triad occasionally.; 16-20: I bet you came back with a good sun-tan, didn't you?; 21-30: You've probably spent too long out in the sun.

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